Free yourself

"I believe everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go. Things go wrong so that you can appreciate them when they're right. You believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself & sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together." Marilyn Monroe-

A young inspiration still inspiriting to this day. Its funny, she's had a lot of amazing quotes in her time & most were far wiser than the time she lived. People are always fighting, digging to know more & the more people dig the less people like them. Theres some things in life that you're so proud of accomplishing. Learning to drive, graduating high school, graduating college & getting your first real job. & when people try to take that way from you because they don't believe, because they think they know it all it makes you realize that person will be like that forever & do you really want to be around when everything great that you're proud of is getting picked apart? What kind of life is that? 

Im proud of what i've learned & how far i've come in life. Im not proud of many decisions, but I made them. They changed me & i've learned. Example one, when I was 5 I had a choice of what sports I wanted to do it. I picked girly things, maybe because Im a girly, girl so what, but If i would have picked a sport like skiing or gymnastics I could have had a chance at being an Olympian. Who really knows. When I was 17 I had my choice of car. I of course wanted the SUV. My dad said why don't you pick something more economical. I didn't listen. I wasted more money on gas & repairs for that Stupid Useless Vehicle. Then when it came time for college...South Carolina or bust, it was a bust. Go to one of the best Journalism schools in NYS in the middle of nowhere or go to the State school that never gets anything right in the middle of the ghetto, obviously i was wrong again. Spent all this time taking art courses for a degree i eventually I beyond ashamed of. I didn't listen to what everyone was telling when they said it was a waste of time & money. The best part was getting my diploma in the mail 8months after I finished only because I was too cheap to pay a school $270 to file for it & walk across the stage. I should have listened to my dad again when he said to go into a field with more demand... & of course after that I quit my job- one of the best jobs i've ever had working for NYS... to work at a promising new company that just took my money & bled me dry. 

I met a handsome man. I loved him from the second I met him. 5years later I still love him. We've had our share of ups & downs. Mostly downs, lately. I moved away from my "comfort zone" to start fresh & move on from all the disappointing things I've done in my life. So i thought. I cant escape the fact that my life has been one train wreck after another. I use to pray for change, better things to come & keep my faith that my bad choices wouldn't keep following me, but they do. Its a hard to loose bad decisions when you keep finding more to make. Hopefully one day I'll get things right. Find my peace in this world & have a place that feels like home. 

I want to inspire & stop feeling this pain inside. I want to get past my guilt of letting everyone down around me & teach my children differently than i was taught. I want to continue to love & be love. This life is too short & grand to carry pain. 

Free-