Goals I wrote down & set when I was in 9th grade

- Have a college degree by 24...check
-Live on my own by 19...check
-Move to a warmer climate...
-Follow my passion in modeling...check
-Be engaged by 23...
-Be married by 25...
-Have my first child by 28...
-Write daily...check
-Have a dog...check
-Be happy...check


I get frustrated most days knowing that short term dreams I wrote down aren't filled, but I know it will happen when its ready. I've been ready for 4 years now & I honestly don't think he'll ever be ready. If its not one thing its another, excuse after excuse. I tears me up inside because I feel like i'm wasting my time when I could be out there finding a man who does want to marry me & not keep luring me on. & I'm not trying to say I'd marry anyone, I know he's the one. I've known that from the first moment i met him. I just don't always feel like I'm his one. Like he's just waiting on something better to come around & we probably will never get married & by that time I'll be an older, less attractive & extremely bitter. I'm already starting to get bitter & angry with life. I see all of my friends getting engaged & married & they haven't even been with their partners half as long as we've been together. I use to be such a happy, fun loving, easy person. Now, just thinking about how were not moving forward in our relationship depresses me. I don't feel like doing anything anymore. I've never felt so sad. & he tells me that its not him its me & I'm sad & depressed because I'm not following what I want. Well obviously dumb ass! I do all the things i want to for myself to make me happy, but the other things I want are out of my control & makes me unhappy. & he just doesn't want to take credit for his lack of communication & love. So i bite my tongue again.

I just want to scream!
Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh