What happens next?

Theres always the dumb questions about what do you do when you feel like the person you love doesn't love you back, or when their ex lovers are constantly sending you messages about how they still talk & how you don't have a chance? Well,


Insecurity is defined as: the feeling of not being "good enough" to meet the challenge of a situation you face in life. A sense of helplessness in the face of problems, conflict and concerns.


Me, I've always been a little insecure. I have a high, soft voice that tends to steer people away. I'm not very tall or pretty. I enjoy learning, but still get called dumb on a daily basis. I can't get a job in the field I studied to save my life & everyone around me is always tearing me down. All my flaws go noticed as everything else unnoticed. I haven't felt like writing because i've been so depressed lately.


Today feels good to write. The sun is out & its not too cold. 


I received a nasty message from my boyfriends ex & never responded to it & today I received another one. Apparently they talk, a lot. It tears me up inside because my boyfriend of awhile now never wants to talk to me, hes always telling to to be quite or go away. He doesn't like to kiss me & when I stare at him he looks past me. If I try to hold him i get pushed off, or not held back. When I want to talk about it, he ignores it & I'm the crazy, uptight one.


I ache inside most days. It's not normal & I shouldn't be in this poor situation of someone who I'll never be "good enough" for, but I love him. Most people probably wouldn't see why if they knew the truth of how I feel every day I wake. I have the worst insomnia, because my thoughts keep me up & I dread sleeping & having nightmares.


I just want it all to be over, all of this pain to go away. Depression didn't start with my boyfriends hurtful words, or the things he doesn't do, but with the fact that I cant get a job, that I don't have any money, a car or a place to call home.


Home is when you feel comfortable & happy. Where the people around you make you feel good inside & out. When love blooms everywhere. Where is my home & when will I find it?


Nothing more,


Just breathe, let it all out & let go...