Remember me as a time of day

Our lives are a series of images that pass us by like towns on highways, but sometimes moments stun us as they happen & we know that moment is more than just a fleeting image. We know it will live on forever.

I’ve been having wacky dreams lately that keep up at night thinking. Writing in my head more than anything & tonight I thought I’d share.

This year started with a big bang. New Years with good friends & new ones followed by an awesome birthday surprise to Vegas; the best birthday right? Bad things follow me, so the idea of almost a perfect start to the year is silly. My house was robbed. A bum was living there for the six days I was gone. He stole & sold my jewelry. Also my brand new snowboard with all the gear. He sold it all for $40. Ask me how my year went from then on out I dare you.

I’ve been called a lot of things in my life & have had the opportunity of feeling completely rejected in high school. Part, well most of it was probably my fault. No it was my fault. I’m a quiet person naturally. I rather keep to myself than bitch about what everyone else is doing. Most people bitch about it because they’re the ones not doing it. Who the fuck cares?

I was told that I abandoned my family over three years ago now. At first I felt bad, then sad & then I stopped thinking of it. Now I laugh & realize I didn’t. I was told that it was my entire fault for my brother moving away & for growing up too fast. I didn’t leave my family and I refuse to take that responsibility.

If for one day my father could just think of any one else but him & pick up the phone to call & say ‘hello’ I’m sure it’d be a beautiful day, but instead when I call all I get is “You haven’t called in awhile. What do you need?” Maybe if he asked me about how I am, or about my boy friend that I love so dearly. If he just tried a little to get inside of my head & let me in his.

I would do anything for him, but I refuse to change who I am as a person just because he isn’t proud of who I am today. Who the fuck cares if I don’t know who or what I want to be right now or if I change my mind a million times before I find it. I’m a woman; I’m the baby girl who is still finding her peace in the world. I don’t want to be what I did when I was 5, 10 or 15 years old. I want to be heard without screaming & constant arguing. I want to be remembered as a time of day.

Am I someone who is as dark as dawn? Or someone who’s smile shines like the sun at noon? Do I glow like the moon? What is my time of day?

They say when you leave this place all of the great things you did remain. So until I’m ready to leave, I’ll carry my camera. 

new site

www.wix.com/ladyfrancis/AshleyNicole

Makeup L0V3

SmashBox, Zomiah Cosmetics, MAC, TooFaced, Clinique, Urban Decay,

Estee Lauder, Christian Dior, Armani, Loreal, Chanel, Maybelline.

All of these are top makeup brands if you know anything about makeup. They have the best teams who put the chemicals or lack of them together. They moisturize, last long & look great. They are all also very expensive & most would say over priced. I would have said that too about 5 years ago before I had any clue about great makeup products.

Since I've been modeling I've had my share of makeup artist working on me. It is a true luxury & I would never take it for granted. I am truly blessed. Some makeup artists go the cheaper route and use cheap makeup. Honestly it does show. When my face instantly breaks out because an artist decided to skimp on nice foundations, or when I'm under hot lights & the makeup starts to run.

I think I've fallen in LOVE with makeup artist Kandee Johnson. You can check out here blog: http://www.kandeethemakeupartist.blogspot.com/

She not only does an amazing job on every thing different makeup techniques to new hair dos, but teaches you an effective, slow, understandable way of doing it. Everything you learn in beauty school is great, but she teaches some things you wouldn't know otherwise. I can just sit and watch he YouTube videos all day, everyday. 

I've also fell in LOVE with Urban Decay makeup products. They not only last forever & clean off well, but they are so bright & light to wear. A little bit really does go a long way with Urban Decay. Their eye shadows are unique in color & last all day. I can do my makeup in the morning & by 7 it still looks fresh. 

In conclusion, I've decided to do makeup on the side for local models who can afford to pay a makeup artist a load of money. I figured I would do it pretty inexpensively & let others enjoy the luxury of having someone else do their makeup.

Believe in true love

My life is far from complete & theres a lot I'd like to accomplish in my lifetime. I've realized all my fears aren't really relevant fears & noticed my list of fears has become much smaller. Last night I asked Jon what his one major fear was. He said he couldn't think of one & asked me mine. 

I used to get bad anxiety & still do at times, but when he asked me that the only thing that came to my mind as a fear is that I don't want to die before my children are old enough to understand all I've done for them. I want to see them grow into beautiful adults. See them as they fall & get back up to try it all over again. I don't want to miss my children's lives. 

I use to have a fear of love, but not anymore. I believe in true love & that love conquers all. I believe in love at first sight & that it is possible to find that person that love you just as much back. Someone that wants to make every dream of theirs & yours come true together. Love, makes everything easier. I believe when you end up with someone it'll feel like you've known them for years before. 

Here comes the sun, here comes the sun & I say it's ALL RIGHT <3

LOVE Love love is all you need.